Optimism, or sunshine after the rain

Bit of a mental week, so this has been on the back burner. But now I'm on half term and feeling a little more up to reflecting.

They say bad things come in threes. Well, I hope not because two has been bad enough.

Firstly, the oven is broken. Now we've only got 'mildly warm' or 'off'. Considering there's no grill either, and cleaning hasn't worked, we've had to bite the bullet and buy a new one. It's a chunk of money we'd rather not have paid, but the Lovely Hubby has convinced me that it's best to spend a little more and upgrade what we've got than just replace what we've got which, to be honest, I've never liked anyway. So now a fancy new cooker is arriving next Saturday, and Lovely Hubby is already planning the exciting macaroons he can try in it!

Unfortunately, we also had a small car fire yesterday. We were taking Little Git Face down to mum's, before heading north to Liverpool for Granddad's 80th. It was a superb achievement; a family do that the Lovely Hubby was actually able to attend! Alas, fate had other plans. Just going round Junction 2 I suddenly spot smoke coming from the centre console- a fairly worrying event, I'm sure you'll agree. Luckily, this is also 500 yards from the regional AA headquarters, so fortunately there wasn't much of a wait. But the rear screen heater has shorted and started to catch fire, so now we've got to find the money to replace that, and the heater. Obviously the best time for this to happen is one of the coldest Octobers on record; we can survive for at least 3 days with no heating in this weather.

So now we wait with baited breath for problem number three. The strange thing is, despite the stress, money worries and effort, I'm feeling quite chirpy today. It's nice to know the car is repairable, though I'd have preferred to have made it to Liverpool before it caught fire. A new cooker was going to be needed at some point, we'll have a grill and an oven that is roughly the temperature it's supposed to be, and it's nice to know we can get the credit to pay for it. The house has been scrubbed today, Lovely Hubby and I have managed a whole day together without falling out, and Little Git Face continues to be cute and lovable.

Counting your blessings is important. It's nice to have the time to do so this week.

Update, or oops! Been very busy

Manic few days, but starting to see the light with half-term impending next week. Done in-laws at the weekend; they seemed very happy with Little Git Face, despite his acting like a lunatic, and feel our obligations are discharged for a while.

Working on food: going ok. Lovely Hubby is struggling to recalibrate his cooking to reflect an attempted diet, especially with oil amounts. Portion sizing hasn't been addressed much yet as still struggling for appetite. Breakfast is a cup of tea, feel nauseous with anything else. Mostly managing lunch, but not always finished. Trying to keep dinners early but again, hit-and-miss. Haven't been on the scales yet; still feeling very positive about everything and don't really want it wrecked if weight and metabolism haven't responded yet! Might try to be brave at some point this week, will keep you posted!

Working hard, but oddly upbeat!

Not a bad couple of days. Eating is a little more balanced, making sure I eat at least twice! Unfortunately, my attempt to eat better has coincided with Lovely Hubby deciding to get heavily into patisserie, but as he's not very good at the moment there's just a lot of badly made macaroons lying around. I've also discovered that, so long as I stick to following my appetite, it's not too much of a problem. The Sachertorte in the kitchen has only been sampled lightly cuz I'm not over interested, so that's good.

But now my macaroni cheese soufflé is ready, so little bowl is calling. Must attempt to weigh myself in next couple of days, despite knowing my metabolism is still rather stalled. But best to keep an eye out!

Getting stuffed, or easy ways to make yourself sick

1.30am and I'm feeling very bad. And to make it worse, I think it's my fault.

Appetite has continued to be small lately, and today I genuinely wasn't interested when Lovely Hubby offered me a late brunch. So we went to The Kitchen Garden for dinner, the first we've had in a couple of months, and I haven't eaten anything. Then I pig out.

I was far too full well before the end of the meal but when you've no money and it's a special, spending-time-together thing, you don't want to be a spoilsport. So I cleaned my plate.

And now I feel awful. Woken up by terrible stomach cramps, and think eating nothing all day then ramming a load of food and a pint of cider down one's throat may not be the way forwards for a happy life. Perhaps those who say little and often have got it right? Am definitely going to ensure I eat at least twice tomorrow. Not feeling like this again!

Evening, or a very, very long day

Quick one today, only just finished! Food going ok- not doing well as far as sensible eating patterns go but feeling ok. Managed lunch yesterday, but soup was rank today so left most of it. Had Mexican for dinner yesterday, but only had two wraps so focussed on portion size.

Only just finished dinner tonight- very late due to visiting The Father and Co. Had a veg samosa while there, and IKEA-style meatballs with rice for proper dinner, so not bad though obviously eating so late isn't great.

Rather excited to get my prescription today, so I might be getting to kick-start my metabolism over the next week! Still trying hard and feel good bout it- kept off the biscuits and choc, had a few Pringles but resisting gorging. Stomped round quickly with Little Git Face today- colder weather means a much faster walk despite being so knackered! Could work in my favour beginning at this point in the year.

Ah well, end of a long day. Think have earned a bottle of wine tomorrow!

Varied day, or taking the good with the bad

Not aiming to complain today - Little Git Face's welcome home has done a lot to wipe out the stresses and strains of today and I don't wish to return to the dark hole I was in an hour ago!

Got dinner with the girls in a bit at Gem's, but menu is currently unknown. On food front today, gone very well thus far. Managed to prevent myself from wandering into Tesco's with Mrs F this morning, where I would inevitably have been attacked by chocolate croissants that would have needed to have been eaten in self-defence. Wholesome, nourishing soup for lunch, cakes at break time were resisted and the Paprika Pringles in the kitchen are being fiercely ignored! Just hope I cam show the same resilience at Gem's.

Not expecting huge amount on weight-loss this week. Won't be getting my thyroid pills till Thursday, and until they're settled in I know my metabolism will be really, really slow. Hoping that knowing this in advance will mean my determination will be able to be maintained!

BELOW: Little Git Face in cheering-up mode

A new beginning, or a very bad start!

Weight - 19st 8lb

Lovely Hubby and Little Git Face collected me from school and took me to the hospital this afternoon. One good thing is a very accurate weigh in to begin my new diet- though it's hard to see that info as a positive! But, it's under 20 and I've made the commitment to it coming down, so fingers crossed it starts to do so soon.

However, bit of a blow up on way home resulted in us having a nice dinner, little bit of pudding and not getting any school-work done! While this isn't the way I'd like to start a diet, our relationship needs to work and sometimes that means having a night of sharing food and cuddles on the sofa. I'll be happier and therefore more motivated- or at least that's the plan! Healthy and nourishing soup out of the freezer for tomorrow's lunch, so that's good. Tried to do extra energetic walk with Little Git Face to offset pudding but doubt it was enough.

Ah well. Air is cleared between me and Lovely Hubby, feeling chirpier about work and my thyroid is officially dead, so treatment can finally get started and I might start feeling better for the first time in years. Sounds like a pretty reasonable day now

Honing my purpose, or why the fuck am I writing this?

So, this is a blog.

Well, that feels reasonably clear and straightforward. But why bother? Who gives a fuck? So, from the very outset, I'm working on the principle that this could well end up being an online diary that is only ever really read by me, but with the naive hope someone else out there in the big, bad world might care as well.

The main reason I'm beginning this is purely selfish. I'm aiming to lose some weight and have been told that using something like a blog helps keep you accountable. It's very easy to lie to yourself (hence the need to get a bit of dieting done) but if it's out there in the world then, hopefully, it'll keep me a bit more honest. I guess we'll find out! However, as we all know, diets begin on Monday so I'm beginning this on a Saturday while finishing off the Pringles in the house and getting ready for Strictly Come Dancing tonight! No conflicts there!

I'm also hoping that this can work as a bit of cheap therapy. It's been a tough couple of years, despite the highs of getting married earlier this year and getting our puppy, Little Git-Face. Lovely Hubby and I live in a generally happy relationship, but illness, money and day-to-day bollocks has given us a little more than (in my opinion) our fair share of stress. So I'm going to burden the world with it instead and get my venting on.

So I think that's why I'm doing this. I can't guarantee fun, perceptive comments, searing social commentary or Bridget Jones-esque hilarity. But I aim to honestly record what happens, and fingers crossed the process will lead to a lighter body and soul for me!

Wow, that sounds selfish. Good start, Mrs H!